- Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
- Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
- Judaism - He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins.
- Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
- Anglican - They were our toys first.
- Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
- Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
- Atheism - There is no toy maker.
- Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
- Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.
- Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.
- Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and we'd better not catch you selling yours.
- B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.
- Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
- Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
- Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
- Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.
- Hedonism - Screw the rule book! Let's play!
- Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
- 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
- Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
- Baptist - Once played, always played.
- Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
- Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
- Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
- Confucianism - Once a toe is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
- Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from. Let's just play with them.
- Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a damn bit of difference.
(C)Copyright 1996 David L. Morris - Permission granted to distribute only free copies and only with copyright notice attached.
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